Actually, I am quite fond of that quote in Interview With The Vampire. It's when Louis is in the bed sick after he was bit by Lestat, and Lestat (played by Tom Cruise) asks him that. It kinda fits me at the moment. I don't see any real purpose to live anymore. All I do is take up space here at my mom's, eat the food, drink the sodas, sleep, and pay my own way. That's IT. That's all I pay for. I don't contribute, other than cleaning. Lusst... I am sorry about what I did... and I hope you and I can be good friends still. ~sigh~ I feel like shit. u_u

My mom comments to me about my weight, which makes me feel just GREAT, by the way. :/ And honestly... no offense to anyone, but what the FUCK is up with all this... .. . dating on furc. >/ I mean, no, I'm not jealous okay? It's just very irritating when you're lonely to see all these furres as mates and shit. God, it's really sickening if you ask me. You don't even KNOW the person in real life unless you both live in the same city/suburb/whatever the fuck, so yeah. I mean, what the hell?!

I'm sorry I'm so upset. I'm just very hurt by what a friend considered me as tonight (and you know who you are), but I'm not naming any names. I'm just very depressed right now and hating life. Sorry to say that, but it's true. A lot of my friends on furcadia are there for me, and I love them deeply as friends because of that. Others, however, have been removed from my Lo' on Hidden Dusk. Again, I'm not naming names. You'll find out sooner or later, if you know me on furcadia.

I wish there was a better way to deal with being hurt like this, but there's not. At least not now. ~sigh again~ I almost cried earlier tonight, but thankfully for the antidepressant I am taking, it allows me to hold my tears in (which I know is not good, since crying is a natural healer). I am so sick of feeling... depressed all the time. I always look at my wrists in the shower, then look at the scar of the initials J.R. cut into my outer left ankle. And I'm like, "should I do it? Just to end the pain?" I run my fingers through my hair and I go, "no..." and I look down and am defeated, because the happiness I once felt is no longer there and I have no choice but to live with my sadness. My grandmother needs me. She has cancer and needs someone to take care of her. Well, she relies on me. So, there ya' have it... and I'm done for now. I'll update again soon.


+Sometimes, dying seems so much easier+


P.S. If you feel you wanna know your death date, just click here.